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Way of the Vampire | |
Released • 2005 |
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| 1885 Transylvania(?): Abraham Van Helsing [Rhett Giles] eaves his wife in the care of Monk Sebastien [Andreas Beckett] while he and his slayers penetrate the lair of Count Vladimir Dracula. Although Van Helsing successfully destroys Dracula, the cost is great. The monk Sebastien is actually a vampire prince, and while Van Helsing is out killing vampires, Sebastien turns Van Helsing's wife into one.Present day Los Angeles: Dr Abraham Van Helsing, slayer of vampires, is laying low, working as a hematologist at University Hospital after just moving there from Paris. Vampires have been lying low, too, drinking the cold blood of dead animals, not hunting humans, basically starving themselves all on account of their fear of Van Helsing. Roman [Jared Cohn] can't take it anymore. He gets a job at University Hospital as an orderly and steals three pints of blood from the blood bank. When Arianna [Denise Boutte], chief vampire bitch, sees the name on the label -- Dr Abraham Van Helsing -- she begins to shiver in her black, high-heeled, lace-up boots and runs straight to Sebastien (after taking a few swigs of the blood herself). She offers the blood to Sebastien, who has disintegrated into a withered, sniffling, lustless ragtag lying on a couch and talking in word salad. Arianna forces a sip of the human blood down his throat and, after that one sip, Sebastien knows what he must do -- unite all the vampires, feed again on humans, show them who's boss, and kill Van Helsing. However, killing Van Helsing isn't going to be easy. After being forced to destroy his own wife, Van Helsing turned to the Knights Templar and made a deal with God. Until he kills the last vampire prince, Van Helsing will walk the earth as an immortal. The only stipulation is that, should he ever drink vampire blood, he will be turned and forever damned.The first thing Sebastien does, now that he's found purpose again, is to drink the blood of a prostitute, banging his chest after the first few swigs and roaring like King Kong. The next thing he does is change into black leather pants and a new goth shirt and hold a pep rally, inspiring the vampires to come out from the derelict, stinking, moldering buildings in which they are hiding and rise again as hunters of human blood. As luck would have it, the prostitute shows up at University Hospital, practically drained of blood. She is given eight units of blood, but she's not getting any better. When nurse Emily [Brent Falco] tells Van Helsing about the patient, he runs to her room to take a look. Right away, Van Helsing knows that she is changing into a vampire. When no one is looking, Van Helsing sprinkles her with holy water, smothers her with a pillow, drives a stake through her chest, and cuts out her heart with a cast saw.Van Helsing concludes that the vampires are hunting humans again and that it is time for him to come out of hiding and put together a team of slayers. So, Van Helsing consults Father Cefalu [Anthony Turk], who agrees to find some young, able-bodied, seminary students for him to train. The next morning, Van Helsing meets seven recruits and gives them a pep talk on the art of vampire slaying. As Van Helsing educates the recruits in the way of the vampire, nurse Emily shows up. She explains that she works with the homeless at the parish and that Father Cefalu asked her to come. Suddenly a call comes in. The detective brother of one of the recruits calls to tell him about a body that was just found. It was drained of blood and its heart was cut out. Van Helsing, Dominic [James Ashby], and another recruit head over to the crime scene and begin their first vampire hunt. They look through a nearby abandoned building and, sure enough, there's a coffin with a vampire in it. Van Helsing tops the coffin with a branch of wild rose and begins firing bullets into the coffin. On his 11th shot, the group is suddenly set upon by a second vampire, and the fun begins.Meanwhile, Roman has learned that nurse Emily is Van Helsing's girlfriend, so he and Arianna wait in the hall for Emily to show up. When Emily appears, Arianna has Roman bite her in the neck, then she falls into Emily's arms begging for help. Emily takes Arianna, not to the emergency room, but to the church where the slayers are training, also not noticing that they're being followed by a slug of vampires. Suddenly, the vampires crash the church and start beating up the slayers. When Van Helsing shows up holding a cross, all the vampires disappear, taking Emily with them. Unfortunately for Roman, he gets left behind [Roman is a bit retarded]. Van Helsing forces Roman to reveal that the vampires have taken Emily to.an abandoned warehouse where Sebastien is toying with her, waiting for Van Helsing to show up. When Sebastien leaves Emily in the care of another vampire, Emily loosens the bonds around her wrists and suddenly springs forward, crucifix in hand. The vampire backs away, and Emily then drinks a bottle of blessed Evian. Meanwhile, Sebastien is rallying his vampires again. "We are vampires! Yeah! We are hunters! Yeah!" While the vampires cheer for themselves, Van Helsing and his slayers are sneaking up on them. Suddenly they burst into the warehouse, and it's every vampire and slayer for himself. Van Helsing goes looking for Sebastian and Emily.Now comes the big showdown. Sebastien has changed into a bolero jacket with red tails and cumberband. He and Van Helsing circle each other, making small talk about the past. Off comes the Bolero jacket, revealing a white, gauzy, long-sleeved shirt open to his waist. Van Helsing charges with stakes in hand, but, even after all those years of living on cold rat blood, Sebastien is definitely the better fighter. Van Helsing winds up on the ground with Sebastien's foot on his stomach. Suddenly, Arianna takes this time to confront Sebastien with his womanizing and let him know how much it hurts her. After reminding Arianna who is the master, Sebastien slakes his thirst on Emily. He's feeling pretty good about himself until he suddenly gets a tummyache and realizes that Emily's blood contains holy Evian. Sebastien pounces on Van Helsing anyway, but Van Helsing is able to run a stake through Sebastien's heart. He then garrots Sebastian's head off his shoulders. Arianna gets stabbed in the stomach but manages to get away.Now that Van Helsing has killed the last vampire prince, he prepares to die, just as the deal was laid out. When it doesn't happen, he is puzzled. Does it mean that God has rewarded him with the ability to live out the rest of his life or does it mean that there is another vampire prince(ss) out there? [Original synopsis by bj_kuehl] | ||
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